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The Cross Report July 10th

Posted in In My Head by Jack at 16:52, Jul 10 2006

By Gareth Cross

Hello everyone and welcome to the seventh weekly Cross Report (who thought we would ever make it to 7 yay!) I got to say I am impressed with the new www.wwejunkies.com site, and feel all special because I got my own banner and a nice little section at the bottom of the site for my reports to be displayed. Very classy indeed.
It?s been an interesting week for the WWE to say the least? We?ve got the good (Raw) and the bad (RVD and Sabu drugging it up, and Big Show winning the ECW title.)
As always, let?s start with the good, and in my opinion Monday Night Raw was definitely good. There are in my opinion two trains of thought on how Raw was. There are the people who wanted to see wrestling and didn?t and were not too happy with the show, and then there are the people who just want to be entertained for the two hours with funny and entertaining TV, with a little athleticism. The first group is generally consisted of hardcore wrestling fans and the second of the casual viewer. I would definitely consider myself a ?Hardcore? wrestling fan (why else would I be giving up my time to write this column?) I myself was most definitely in the second group. Raw was the most entertaining Raw Iv?e seen in quite some time. Sure it wasn?t a good ?wrestling? show in anyone?s mind, but it was very entertaining and I thoroughly enjoyed it. In my opinion everyone needs to go to enjoying wrestling for what it is, and not picking so many holes in every single show put out by the WWE, TNA and everyone else who dares produce a wrestling show. Coming from someone who writes a wrestling column that might seem terribly contradictory, but it?s my column and im putting it in anyway.
News broke on Monday that Rob Van Dam and Sabu had been arrested for possession of Drugs. As soon as I heard this I knew they were both screwed. I was one of the many people who thought RVD deserved a title run more than anyone on the WWE roster, but yet I have 0 sympathy for him having to drop both titles. At the end of the day RVD has nobody to blame but himself for this. We all knew RVD has done drugs and I for one wasn?t surprised when the news broke. Rob should spend the 30 days thinking about what he has done, because call me uncool or whatever but I do not endorse drugs in any way no matter how many people say it is the cool thing to do. WWE was right to suspend Rob because as the champion he represents the entire company and in my opinion he did an unsatisfactory job and let everyone involved with the WWE and all his fans down badly. Sabu was just cautioned and hopefully he gets himself in line because this is his last chance to earn some money in wrestling.
Raw kicked off with D-X arriving at the building only to be halted by the dastardly Jonathan Coachman and some police. Coachman informed them that if they had checked WWE.com they would have known that they were banned from Raw tonight. HHH informed Coach that he did not even know how to turn on a computer (lies!!) and HBK wondered what they would do for the rest of the night. Coach walked away jubilant to tell Mr. McMahon the great news. It was a nice little segment to kick off the show and get fans interested in the whole D-X are banned from Raw thing.
Edge came out with Lita (looking lovely as ever might I add.) He basically said I own this summer tomorrow I beat RVD, and then I beat them both at Saturday?s Main Event blah blah blah. Cena came out just as Edge was about to name his partner and talked smack. Everyone?s favourite druggie Rob Van Dam then came out and challenged Cena to a 1 on 1 title match tonight. Cena accepted but Edge whined about it until it was made a triple threat match. As soon as this segment started, I and I guess almost every other wrestling fan who knew about the day?s events smelt title change. There is no doubt in my mind had RVD and Sabu not been arrested then there would have been a triple threat mystery tag team partner match, the plans were most likely changed at the last minute to get the title off Van Dam.
Vince then pulled up in his limo and Coach greeted him with the good news, Vince seemed to relax a little but he did not let his guard down. Lita beat Torrie after that in a completely worthless match.
The Spirit Squad beat 5 thrown together people in a 5 man tag match. It looks as though WWE have actually signed ?Hacksaw? Jim Duggan to a contract, as he regularly appears on Raw and House shows, the novelty of seeing good old Hacksaw on my TV every week, has long since worn off.
The camera went to the parking lot were D-x were having a barbecue or something similar with lots of hot girls. I hope they enjoyed their McMahon sized hot dogs. HHH being the great guy that he is, got a lonely bus driver some action but not before sending HBK off to look for Mr. Fuji who sadly wasn?t there. It is in my opinion very good, how they incorporate HBK?s religious beliefs into the show by taking him off screen when HHH does anything he might object to, it just makes it all the funnier.
Next we had the debut of The Highlanders. I really see 0 in these guys and they will never be anything more than a comedy act to me, I mean how could you ever take them seriously. They beat Rob Conway and ?The Future of Monday Night Raw? as proclaimed by me Matt Striker. The only positive in this match, was that Striker did not do the job, he showed his great intelligence by leaving Conway to get his ass kicked by those crazy highlanders. How long will it be until the highlanders are split up and follow the patterns of other broken up tag teams like The Bashams and Cade and Murdoch? (Who have since reformed.)
Candice came and joined the D-X party. She asked HHH where HBK had just went off too. He told him he had just entered the production truck then he started groaning loudly as Candice continued to question him. Suddenly Candice started groaning in similar fashion and after a few minutes? two girls emerged from under the table. I have no comment to make on that segment.
Vince must have been watching his library of Nitro?s recently as the next angle was taking straight from a 1996 Nitro when the nWo. HHH and Candice, and the woman of course entered the production truck to find HBK already in there having the time of his life. D-X starts messing with the controls and make the screen go all fuzzy.
Vince McMahon is terribly upset, as he has to go and use the public bathroom GASP! He?s Vincent Kennedy McMahon dammit! He gets Coach to stand guard, the dastardly D-X realise Vince is in the bathroom and broadcast Vince?s private moment to the world. Coach bursts in and informs Vince that he is on TV and Vince squirts him with his piss.
Vince enters the ring and gets on the mike. He starts talking about how D-X humiliated him. They cut his mike and then put it back on a few times. He asks for a new mike and his voice sounds very high pitched. It then goes very low, and Vince starts to lose his temper. They finally start, then a large fart noise came out over the PA. A marker appears on the screen and they drew a picture of a chicken and a speech bubble from Vince?s mouth that?s says, ?I love Cocks.? A music video then played with the D-X Music and the video off Vince and Shane getting drowned in excrement. Vince then wonders where Coach is and the camera cuts to Coach banging on the production truck doors. HBK opens the door and knocks Coach to the cold floor below. HBK calls ?Girls? for a few more minutes then shuts the door. Vince gets really angry and books D-X v The Spirit Squad for Saturday Night?s Main Event in a elimination match. Vince asks for them to play his music, they do but when he gets half way up the ramp, his music video from the Slammy awards start to play. Vince continues backstage obviously upset. This was a pretty good segment, which hyped SNME and the Vince-D-x feud.
Carlito took on Johnny Nitro with the IC title on the line next. It was over before it started, after a few moves Carlito hit his finisher and went for the pin, Melina broke it up and got Nitro Disqualified so he would retain his title. Trish then came down and started brawling with Melina. The highlight of this match was when D-X played replays of Melina and Trish?s entrance, not that much of a good segment at all.
Paul Heyman and RVD are backstage. Heyman is having kittens as usual about the possibility of RVD losing the belt. RVD tells him it?s ok because he?s RVD. Just more hype for the main event.
Vince tells a hurt Coach to get his limo ready because he is leaving straight away. He lambastes Coach for not keeping D-X under control.
Umaga and AAE make their way down to ringside and Armando gets on the mike. HBK interrupts and plug?s the new D-X shirt in the WWE shop. He also mocks Estrada?s speech and he is far from happy. Umaga went on to squash some jobber. The lack of AAE was disappointing.
Vince goes to get in his Limo, and when he gets in green fireworks shoot from the roof. The driver gets out and opens McMahon?s door. Green smoke comes out from the car, and Vince emerges caked in some green and black substance. D-X walks up with sparklers and wish him a happy 4th of July.
Back in the arena Orton?s music hits and he comes out and basically talks about how hot Brooke Hogan is (no kidding) and says that if the Hulkster has a problem with Orton liking his daughter he would find out why Orton is a ?legend killer.? Orton sounded really sleazy throughout the promo but it was a good one.
In the main event Edge regained the WWE title in a pretty solid triple threat match. Cena looked to have it won when he hit the FU but Edge bashed him with the title belt and pinned Van Dam for the 1-2-3. It was a pretty solid decision to put the belt back on Edge, and hopefully he will have a decent run with the belt this time, but this match has another message and that is drugs are bad mmmk.
Raw was one of the best wrestling shows Iv?e seen in awhile so for the first time in Cross Report history I will give it an A- because although it was heavily focused around D-X a little more wrestling would have been nice.
I?m still boycotting Smackdown at the moment but for everyone who cares heres what went down.
There was a battle royal for the number one contendership to Rey?s World title. The match was basically jobbers and Booker T. To everyone?s surprise Booker T got the win and JBL put him over big on commentary. Rey cut a promo on Mark Henry saying what he did to Chavo was bad, and that Henry in general is bad. Sylvan then invited everyone to come to Quebec! Mr Kennedy beat Super Crazy with help from Psicosis. I have no idea what the outcome of Khali-Tatanka was, it just made no sense at all (much like the Smackdown booking team.) Undertaker accepts the Punjabi Prison Match Khali will R.I.P. Vito beat Psicosis with help from Super Crazy. The Pittbulls beat Funkai and Scotty. Finlay and Regal take on Lashley for the US title at the bash. I really hope Lashley drops the belt, but all signs point to no. Lashley beat Helms. What a great main event. Batista came and beat up Mark Henry and I really couldn?t care less.
I will not be watching Smackdown right now, because by reading about it, I get the gist of how terrible it is and I don?t want to put myself through two hours of crap. There is a lot that has to be done to save that show.

Well another week is gone, Im Gareth Cross, and that was the Cross Report. I hope you all enjoyed it.

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