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The Captain's Quarters (05.14.06)

Posted in In My Head by Jack at 03:10, May 15 2006

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By Captain Fabulous

...and the Captain of all things Fabulous has returned. It's been a long, long while since I've posted a column, but none of that matters now, because I am back. Back with my opinions on the WWE product for the most part, but sometimes I'll throw a
little TNA into the mix. Let's just jump right into this thing.

I'll cover SmackDown! first, saving the obvious best for last. WWE's Friday night program has been slacking to say the least for quite some time now. Around the beginning of 2006, things were starting to look up for the show. Kurt Angle came back home and captured the World Heavyweight Championship. This was a well-deserved reign for Kurt, and I think coming back to SmackDown! was good for him. He's been there so long that he just seems like a SmackDown! guy no matter what brand he's a part of. Plus, SmackDown! could always use a new big name. Kurt went on to face the Undertaker at No Way Out for the Championship in what was definitely one of the top two matches of the year thus far. They also had one hell of a rematch a couple of weeks later on SmackDown!, despite the ending being ruined by Mark Henry. I was really loving the stuff between Kurt and 'Taker, and it even brought back my love for the dead man.

Then came WrestleMania 22, which is where the triple threat match for the World Heavyweight Championship took place between Kurt Angle, Randy Orton, and Rey Mysterio. This is where things start to spiral downward for the blue guys, in my own humble opinion. I'll admit that I was temporarily bitter that Randy Orton was denied his huge WrestleMania victory two years in a row. Now I understand that what was done had to be done. If I can venture away from the television storylines for a moment, I have to say that there aren't many bigger Randy Orton fans out there than I've been over the years. However, he has to pay for his mistakes and I understand that. Besides, a couple of months off television could make for one hell of a return (if he does return). But Randy not winning the Championship wasn't the only thing that bothered me about the outcome of the triple threat. I was bothered a bit by Rey Mysterio being awarded the title. I know it's been said a million times, but you've got to wonder if the decision was made to give Rey the title simply to attempt to create a great WrestleMania moment in memory of Eddie Guerrero. I guess even if this is the case, Rey's a popular guy and he's paid his dues, so I can support Rey's title reign as long as the duration of the reign is kept relatively short (no height pun intended).

This brings us back to the status quo of SmackDown!. With Randy Orton out of the picture, and Kurt temporarily out of action, the show is definitely hurting. They already have very few big-name superstars on the show, and for years it's been as if
they've not cared enough to do anything about that problem. It's almost like the WWE food chain. There've OVW, which trains guys who usually make their debut on SmackDown!. Then there's SmackDown!, which has become somewhat of a training camp for RAW, since the guys who start making it big on SmackDown! tend to end up on RAW come draft month.

Back to Kurt Angle. I know he's not out of action for very long, but even once he makes his return to the ring at Judgment Day, he's facing Mark Henry. I don't want to bash anyone for trying, because Mark Henry's been around for a long, long time. But watching this man is growing more and more difficult with each passing week. The World's Strongest Man gimmick may be what's making it so hard. Perhaps if he had something more interesting going for him (not a clue what that could be), he could at least be entertaining OUTSIDE the ring. Thinking back to Royal Rumble of this year, the Kurt Angle versus Mark Henry match at that show was almost embarrassing. Let's hope something more can be done between this two come Judgment Day. Let's also hope this thing between them is over come Judgment Day.

Something I want to comment on quickly is the King of the Ring tournament. If the King of the Ring pay-per-view still existed and this tournament were to include both SmackDown! and RAW superstars, I would be finding myself far more interested than I currently am. It almost seems like a joke right now - like it's basically an excuse to put Bobby Lashley over. We know he's going to win the final match, and I guessed it from the moment I saw those rediculous brackets. I can't bring myself to get into Lashley. I'm not a fan of his in-ring style and definitely not a fan of his mic work. I can't say I care a lot for Booker T's wrestling style either, but he's been entertaining as hell since his latest heel turn. I can't wait for the man to retire to the commentary table. The bottom line is I'm not a fan of this King of the Ring tournament, but I'm always open to be proved wrong. I'm begging WWE to prove to me that once Lashley wins this tournament, he will finally entertain me.

What can I say about the current WWE Tag Team Championship storyline? These two teams rock. MNM make magnificent, dare I say FABULOUS Tag Team Champions. London & Kendrick make great challengers, too. I think they're in for a run with the gold. I just hope MNM manages to get the gold back and save their reputation. It can't look good if they just keep getting served.

I cannot wait for Supercrazy versus Gregory Helms for the Cruiserweight Championship. It's good to have Gregory back, and if he loses the Championship at Judgment day, he'd better get it back soon. I'd love to see these two have a nice rivalry for a couple months. That's something you don't see every day with WWE's cruiserweights.

I've been dying for WWE to give Melina and Jillian Hall the opportunity to show that they're way more than just eye candy, so they'd better deliver at the pay-per-view.

I'm reading about the fact that The Great Khali might be history after Judgment Day. Apparently he's a nightmare in the ring. This makes me wonder how much WWE actually paid attention to him before hiring him. It's like they just wanted him because he's big and scary. I've never seen him actually "wrestle", but if he's THAT bad, perhaps there's a spot for him as a
bodyguard of sorts? It may just be me, but I'd like to have the guy around for a while to see how much longer he can scare me-slash-make me laugh.

Gymini is doomed. DOOMED.

I still try to support Rey Mysterio's reign as World Heavyweight Champion, but WWE continuously makes it difficult by having him squashed week after week. Depending on how things go next week, this may all be a setup for Rey to find some miracle, or perhaps even divine intervention, since there seems to be plenty of that going around WWE lately, and come out on top at Judgment Day. If that's the case, then I'm STILL upset, because like I mentioned earlier, I think this should be a quick reign for Rey. JBL isn't the best in the ring, but he can go on the microphone with the best of them and he's got one of the best characters in quite some time. I'm ready for another JBL World Title reign, especially considered there are few guys
left to give the Championship to. What I don't like is having JBL as the United States Champion going into Judgment Day. Not only does that almost guarantee a loss for him, it's keeping the United States title inactive. The U.S. title belongs on
someone like Finlay or Matt Hardy who can give a spot to the Championship at the pay-per-view like it deserves. But, I digress. To get back into kayfabe here for a moment, there's a very good chance Rey can pull out the victory over JBL, but I hope JBL manages to land a Clothesline From Hell and finish this title reign that seems to be dragging the SmackDown! main
event into the pits.

Before I go on to RAW, I want to say that, despite being primarily a WWE fan, I thought the match between Christian Cage and Abyss at Lockdown was awesome, and I can't wait for Full Metal Mayhem at Sacrifice. I'm expecting big things.

This brings us to the great Monday night red team. I'm probably quite biased when it comes to RAW, because I rarely think there's a bad episode. But, I think that's a good thing. That's what they want, right? A dedicated fan who will defend themto no end. And I do. For the most part.

Every now and then, though, a decision comes along that I can't quite support, such as the firing of Molly Holly and the rest of the women's division while back. We've been stuck with three female wrestlers, one of which has been restricted to being a manager for over a year now, ever since. Then comes last October, and the lovely Mickie James makes her debut. Mickie James was a Godsend. Her and Trish have had some great matches since her debut, and I can't say enough good things about that. I'm a huge fan of the women's division and things like this are great news to me. Then, this week, we finally get another new gal in Beth Phoenix. Now, I'm sure WWE will have a new name for her once she's given some more camera time, but does it really matter? I'm ready to see what she can offer in the ring. I'm also ready for Molly Holly to return, so how 'bout gettin' on top of that, Vince?

Another decision I can't quite agree with is, yes, John Cena STILL being the keeper of the gold. I've spoken with our friendly neighborhood Barbie about this and it's like I told him: I've been very low on Cena ever since his babyface turn. I never understood what could make him a true babyface. He was still making rhymes at that time, and how annoying is that? When he was a heel, it was annoying in a good way. Annoying like the Spirit Squad. After the babyface turn it was just annoying in a bad, bad way. Now we skip up a couple of years. John Cena is supposed to be the biggest babyface on RAW. He's WWE Champion
and he's beaten every heel there is to beat on the show. Yet, somehow, the fans still boo. One could make the argument that he is at least getting a reaction, and a strong one. And I could understand that argument. What doesn't make sense to me and
never has is that he's not the greatest in-ring competitor, yet he's gone over so many greats like Triple H, Kurt Angle, and Chris Jericho. I'm not going to be one of those who say he's a BAD wrestler, because he's not bad. He's gotten a lot better. I'm still not too keen on his method of selling, though. And the man shouldn't be doing body splashes off the top rope. It just looks weird. My hope is that by adding the STFU to Cena's move arsenal, they don't expect us to think he's suddenly a well-rounded brawler-technician. I may be getting a little off track here, but Cena has basically been the WWE Champion for over a year now. It's getting a tad rediculous and unbelievable. Why don't they just turn him heel, I ask? Perhaps people would gain some respect back for him. Right now, he's letting millions of people punk him out every week on live television, but we're supposed to believe he's tough enough to stand toe-to-toe with The Game? Let the man stand up for himself. Do something about his character besides trying to MAKE the fans love what's already there, because that's obviously not working
(save for any kid below the age of 15). Then give him another run with the WWE Championship.

Moving on to a lighter-hearted topic, I feel the need to say Umaga does nothing for me. Am I actually hearing rumors about a Batista versus Umaga rivalry? God, I hope not. What a tragic chain of disappointing matches.

One Night Stand is getting closer and I've got to believe this is where Rob Van Dam will be cashing in his Money in the Bank contract. I used to believe he'd challenge the WWE Champion, but that just doesn't seem right. A WWE Champion in the ECW main
event. Then the thought ran by me that, since ECW is making a return, maybe some sort of match could be made between RVD and someone else to crown the new ECW Champion. That could possibly be what would go down. But, the idea also ran by me that RVD could perhaps choose to challenge SmackDown!'s World Heavyweight Champion, which will probably be Rey Mysterio at the time.

Rob Van Dam versus Rey Mysterio for the World Heavyweight Championship at ECW One Night Stand. I think that's not such a bad idea. Then again, Rob Van Dam has switched brands twice in the past two years, so I'm not so sure that would happen. I guess all that is up in the air, but in the mean time, I'm loving RVD as the Intercontinental Champion. I just hope that he drops the title before cashing in his Money in the Bank. That way, we could have a rivalry over the Championship between Shelton Benjamin and Charlie Haas. That, my friends, would be Fabulous.

Carlito. The NEW next big thing. I'm begging them to give him an opponent at a PPV where he can show what he can really do.

Ahhhh, Mick Foley. To me, this man is God. Well, co-God, with Vince McMahon. And I'm not referring, in any way, to the storyline with Shawn Michaels and his tag team partner. Foley and Edge are two of my all-time favorites, and they had what could possibly be my favorite WrestleMania match of all time this year at WrestleMania 22. So, not being an ECW fan, I loved
when Mick seemingly turned on it by destroying Tommy Dreamer. I wasn't so happy about the crowd reaction. I'm sure WWE will play it off as the audience in attendance being "stunned", but I blame it more on their lack of understanding what had happened. I'm not quite sure how they're going to manage to get people to boo Mick Foley, if that is what they're going for, but I think I like where this is going. Unless this is going toward another ECW versus WWE storyline, in which case I hate where this is going. I watch WWE for WWE purposes, and not to see ECW. So I hope that after ECW One Night Stand is over, ECW goes to its new show, whenever it may begin, and stay there.

I love Maria, and I want badly for her to be a great wrestler. I've tried and am still trying very hard not to think negatively about this stuff with Kane. It's starting to get to me but I'm going to give it the benefit of the doubt, and hopefully it will all end soon after the movie has aired. On the other hand, I think Kane and Big Show could have a really good match if given the opportunity to do so without a screwed ending.

And I'm not referring to their mad mat skills that were put on display this week on RAW. Props for giving it a go. It was something to see once, but I hope that's not how they plan to wrestle ALL their matches. Still, a little mat wrestling never hurt anyone's style. In fact, I think it helped the Undertaker's quite a bit. I just believe that Big Show and Kane could have one hell of a monster brawl.

I hate the Spirit Squad. I also love the Spirit Squad. It's awesome.

And now on to the rumored return of DeGeneration-X. I'm a big fan of both Triple H and Shawn Michaels, and no matter what happens, I hope they both keep the attitudes they've had for the past couple of months. They're entertaining as hell. But, is Captain Fabulous in favor of or against the reformation of D-X? That is quite simple. I'm totally all for it. I think they could do some great things. I know that once it happens, there are going to be a ton of people trashing it, complaining about how it's a joke and it's a disgrace to one of the greatest factions in wrestling history. To these people, I will have to say shut the hell up and deal with it. No one cares about your petty complaints about how nothing is right in the wrestling world. The new DeGeneration-X won't be like the old DeGeneration-X. It probably won't resemble the old group. Cry me a river. It doesn't HAVE to be like the old D-X. Both men are older and far more mature now, so it's a different stage in their lives. I loved the old D-X as much as the next guy but I have a feeling I'm going to love the new one, too. I think it's going to make for some very entertaining television, and it probably won't last very long, but that's probably how it needs to be. It could be nice closure to the group's history. I do, however, beg that it doesn't end in a rivalry between Triple H and Shawn Michaels. I think these two need to walk away from the faction with a renewed respect for one another and remain friends, yet still go their seperate ways. I also hope that, when Triple H is officially turned babyface, he's not forced to act any differently. The people have grown to love him again for a reason, so he doesn't need WWE to be screwing that up for him.

So, that is this week's edition of the Captain's Quarters. The first edition back. Hope you enjoyed your hardcore dose of Fabulosity and that you tune back in next week for more.

Until then, this has been the Cap'n makin' it hap'n.

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