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Fan Shoot Interview - MrsBigRedMachine

Posted in Fan Shoot Interviews by Jack at 23:17, Aug 11 2009

conducted by Slartibardfast

The following is a transcript of the IYH fan shoot interview of mrsbigredmachine that took place on 08/05/09. It has been edited for spelling, punctuation, readability and conversational flow. Other than those changes, the text reflects the conversation as it occurred.

Slarti: Are you seated comfortably?
mrsbigredmachine: Yes.

Slarti: Do you have a tasty beverage close at hand?
mrsbigredmachine: No, should I have brought one? Have I failed the first question?

Slarti: It is always a good idea, to have a tasty beverage close at hand. But don't worry; we will not be scoring this interview.
mrsbigredmachine: Thanks, you made me a bit nervous. I don?t test well.
Slarti: No need to be nervous; I'm your friendly neighborhood Slartibardfast!

Slarti: What do you do for a living?
mrsbigredmachine: I just finished off my last bit of student life, going to start look for a job in September, so I?m 'in-between jobs' you could say. Or I?m just a bum, whichever.
Slarti: Being a bum is an honored occupation, as I've sure you've learned from some of the members of the message board.

Slarti: I happen to know that you type with one hand. Do you now wish you had taken a typing course?
mrsbigredmachine: Heehee not really, I know I annoy a lot of people with my computer retardedness, but I?m just not that interested in being a computer whiz. As long as it turns on and does what I want it to do, that?s fine by me. Plus you know you?d rather type with one hand, you could eat a sandwich while doing this interview : )
Slarti: I can only imagine the crumb collection in your keyboard.

Slarti: What do you do for recreation?
mrsbigredmachine: Usually in my spare time I like to dance naked while throwing helpless virgins onto a huge fire.
Slarti: Was that you in that YouTube clip I saw?
mrsbigredmachine: Might well have been, although sometimes I do the normal stuff you know, go for day long shopping sprees, party and just chill out with friends, go watch a movie, blah blah; the usual drill.

Slarti: Well, I happen to know that you do some things outside of the usual drill. You tried out to get on a national singing show. Due to your Brittan?s Got Talent experience, do you have a deep seeded hatred for Simon Cowell?
mrsbigredmachine: No. I didn?t actually get to see Simon Cowell. Take that as I?m actually a horrible singer, or the systems just unfair. It was his singing show over here called the X Factor, and for the first round you just audition to people from his record company. So no, I actually quite like Simon Cowell. Most people are completely deluded and need taking down a peg or two.
Slarti: I think you were screwed out of a rightful spot on the show. That blonde chick who went before you, totally slept with one of the judges.

Slarti: Do you feel you are at least as talented a singer as Lady GaGa?
mrsbigredmachine: Well I doubt I?d pull off the sexy outfits like she does, that?d be quite a hideous sight. Honestly though, I thought I had a good voice. A lot of people were shocked I didn?t at least get to the televised show. At the moment though, my voice is really rusty. I don?t practice enough, so I?m sounding like Lady GaGa's cat at the moment. Lol.
Slarti: A less professional interviewer would make a "disco stick" reference at this point, but I shall not.

Slarti: The idle chit chat portion of the interview is now over. Time to delve into serious topics. You were a frequent poster on the message board last year, but you disappeared for several months, and only recently returned. What pulled you away from IYH?
mrsbigredmachine: Very long story short, I had to sell my computer to help me move out of my old house. I had some problems going on and needed a quick move. So it took me all that time to get hold of another PC. Oh what dark days they were without a fix of IYH.
Slarti: Fear not, we are here for you now.

Slarti: Was that answer truthful, or were you instructed to say that by MI5 in order to maintain your cover?
mrsbigredmachine: Who told you.......I mean of course not. What? That?s crazy! Your crazy! And stop shining that light in my eyes!
Slarti: No interrogations here; that's someone else's gimmick.

Slarti: If you could make two people on the board post more often, who would they be and why?
mrsbigredmachine: I miss TheFlea : ( Who doesn?t want to hear more from TheFlea. Also, I think I?d say Barbie, but I do like the way he just appears from no where with killer insults. However I do feel that the women folk need to stop getting scared off, they seem to appear for a short time then rapidly disappear. Wacko Bob has gone ladies; there?s no need to fear!!
Slarti: It seems some of the guys do have a talent for driving the women folk away. I guess they can't all be as charming and gentlemanly as I.

Slarti: Have you ever called into the show?
mrsbigredmachine: Yes, once, and it wasn?t that memorable, so I?ll forgive you for forgetting it ; ) I always think I?d love to call in, but I kind of have an irrational fear of talking on the phone. Lol.
Slarti: You should call in from time to time; don't let your fear stop you. Jack gives away prizes; you could have won a hat a few weeks ago.

Slarti: Have you ever cheated on IYH by listening to another wresting show?
mrsbigredmachine: Never! How very dare you sir! Back when I first started listening to IYH, I got sent a link to that idiot Mosh's show and I just thought it was awful; didn?t get through 5 minutes.
Slarti: I think the lady duth protest too much. You did cheat on us, for 5 minutes! Did you feel cheep and dirty afterwards?
mrsbigredmachine: I?m sorry it was an accident! It wasn?t my fault, Jobber 2 the stars made me do it! 'sob' 'sniff'.
Slarti: Well, we'll forgive you this time, but don't let it happen again. There are a lot of crummy shows that would just love to get their hands on you for a cheap one night listen.

Slarti: Name 3 people on the board you think you could take in a fight.
mrsbigredmachine: I could take pretty much everyone : P
Slarti: You calling me out?
mrsbigredmachine: Let me stop you there Slarti, your a very well loved member of IYH. I?d hate to see you get hurt.
Slarti: I am rather proud of the fact that I've never fought a woman; but I'm willing to be proud of something else...

Slarti: Do you ever get the feeling that even though he's thousands of miles away, somehow Jack is watching you?
mrsbigredmachine: I?d like to think so; its rather comforting don?t you think?
Slarti: No. I only get that feeling when I'm in the shower.
mrsbigredmachine: You need to be more shower-aware, didn?t you ever wonder who that was scrubbing your back?
Slarti: It's so damn steamy, I can't tell who the hell that is.

Slarti: Tell the truth, is Barbie's accent fake?
mrsbigredmachine: Barbie is either hiding a very strong Birmingham accent, or he never lived there. It is a puzzlement.
Slarti: I have long suspected that Mr. Richards is from Brooklyn New York; I'll prove it one day.

Slarti: Which is superior, Jack's beard, Barbie?s hair, or OIB's accent?
mrsbigredmachine: Jacks beard keeps getting shaved so it keeps diminishing in power, so it would be between the accent or the hair. Hmmmm...i?d have to go with OIB's accent, even though that is a damn fine head of hair on Mr. Richards.
Slarti: He uses extensions.

Slarti: IYH is a wresting message board, so it's time for some wrestling questions. How often do you watch wrestling, and what shows do you watch?
mrsbigredmachine: I try to watch every week, and I?m strictly a WWE girl.

Slarti: Raw, Smackdown, and ECW as well?
mrsbigredmachine: Yeah, I try to keep up with them all. I?ve tried to get into TNA, but I don?t know, maybe Vince has brainwashed me, I just sit there thinking WWE is so much better than this stuff.

Slarti: You are now in charge to the WWE, fire 2 people and hire 2 people.
mrsbigredmachine: Oh man, Batista has to go; I cant even remember why I?ve built up such a hatred for him, but I just cant stand him, and I?d get rid of half the Divas. I know that?s not technically 2, but just count that last one as a group. I don?t know who I?d hire really. Maybe take back Mick Foley because it?s just wrong that he's not with WWE.

Slarti: For your own well being and safety, please state for the record that Mickie James would not be among the girls you would fire. (I don't want Spec_Sun coming after you).
mrsbigredmachine: No way! Seriously, I love Mickie James, she's practically the one saving grace in that pathetic bunch.
Slarti: Good answer, you?re safe now.

Slarti: If Kane is ever wished well in his future endeavors, will you require counseling?
mrsbigredmachine: From a very high ledge, yes. I was really worried it was coming to that a while back.

Slarti: If Kane is ever given the Raw or Smackdown title, will you require sedation?
mrsbigredmachine: I think the time for that has well and truly passed, but who knows, I?d still love to see it happen. And yes I?d go completely insane.

Slarti: Ok, now it's time for some steamy personal questions, (this is good for ratings). Have you considered the possibility that I'm asking all of these questions, so that I can build a dossier on you, so that I will be well informed when I try to ask you out later in the year?
mrsbigredmachine: I know you?ve got far higher standards than that Slarti. I'm like the girl that when you turn up for a blind date, you take one look then leave before I notice your there. Lol.
Slarti: Don't be so sure, I'm a sucker for a nice accent; but this is your interview not mine.

Slarti: Without mentioning names, have you been hit on by anyone on the board?
mrsbigredmachine: I think I?ll exercise the right to 'no comment' on this one. Oh no wait, there was that Junkies guy, and of course wacky bob....but apart from that, yeah, no comment. : P
Slarti: Excellent job of not mentioning names.

Slarti: On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of a job wooing you did those guys do? Bob was "good" at writing poetry.
mrsbigredmachine: Well Bob wooed everybody with a pair of boobs, but I think Rogue would be better to rate his come on techniques; poor girl, she'll have nightmares forever. The Junkies guy about a 3 and the 'no comment' I?d say about a 10.

Slarti: Now on to the juicier question: Have you ever hit on anyone on the board? No names please, I don't want to get taken to IYH court.
mrsbigredmachine: I?m way to much of a good girl to be doing anything like that : P
Slarti: We will see if you feel that way when the pics of Jack running around fan fest in his underwear come out in a few days.

Slarti: What's the worst pickup line you?ve ever been accosted with?
mrsbigredmachine: Well I?ve never really heard pick up lines; I don?t think anyone would really use the cheesy ones if they were being serious. But I was in a club one night and my friends brother was completely drunk out of his mind, and instead on hugging me goodnight, which I thought we were doing, he comes flying at me, tongue out, trying to somehow stick it down my throat! Not the most appealing thing I?ve ever seen.
Slarti: That's why you?re supposed to keep your eyes closed.

Slarti: Rogue has a question for you. She wants to know who your dream guy is.
mrsbigredmachine: Kane.....boring obvious answer I know, but totally true.

Slarti: Congratulations, you made through the steamy portion of the interview; although I'm sure your "no comment" remarks are going to generate a flood of PMs for you on the message board.

Slarti: We now proceed to the "highbrow" portion of the interview. What's your opinion on the proposed 6 party talks with North Korea?
mrsbigredmachine: I don?t do politics, I?d rather we were just lorded over by some world emperor who ruled us all with an iron fist.
Slarti: So I take it the follow up question about the Iranian nuclear program need not be asked?
mrsbigredmachine: I think they should issue everybody suits made of cockroaches incase of nuclear war.
Slarti: And I though my wool sweater was itchy.

Slarti: You?re now Prime Minster, make or repeal 3 laws.
mrsbigredmachine: All must bow to me, you can legally punch in the face all who annoy you, (with valid proof of sed annoyance), and we are moving the UK to warmer climates. Oh and hardcore dance music is banned. In fact make that most dance music,
and Mobey must be killed.
Slarti: Sorry, you only get 3 laws, and I think I like Moby, (Bodyrock was great, as was Southside, and Nothing Can Stop Us Now). It's going to be hard to punch people in the face when they are bowing all the time, but I'm sure they will find a way.
mrsbigredmachine: You give me three seconds to think up laws and your surprised there a bit flawed? : P I forgot that I?d exile the whole royal family to the south pole, but that?s phase two of my plan.

Slarti: A number of message board members have questions for you, and they all seem to be related to your favorite topic. El Santo Loco asks: Why are you such a fan of the big red machine?
mrsbigredmachine: I cant really explain why I like him so much, I suppose I was only like 10 when the Kane gimmick first showed up, and to most kids around that age Kane just looked insanely cool and evil. So I was pretty much hooked on him from the start, then obviously a few years later it became something a bit more obsessive. I don?t know, I think personally for me the whole gimmick is probably one of the best ever, most people will say he's just a complete Taker rip-off, which I don?t think is completely fair. I think they had to be quite similar for the whole brother storyline to work, but I think as its gone along he's turned it into his own unique thing away from Taker. I think Kane is a lot darker than Taker's ever been, and I think the way he's always turning from good to evil from psycho to sane, has always interesting to watch.

Slarti: Spec_Sun asks: Would you like to see the return of Kane's mask?
mrsbigredmachine: No not now. I think if they were going to bring the mask back in they should?ve done some crazy burn special effects on his face and had him put it back on straight away. The mask only worked with the whole ?he's horribly scarred? story, I think it?d be silly and a bit feeble to have him put it back on after so long without it. I don?t know, maybe if he left for a while and came back with it on and the hair grown back it might work, but I really think it?d be a silly idea because the whole mystique of the mask has completely gone now so it?s kind of pointless.

Slarti: Golgo 13 asks: Did you see "See No Evil"? If so, what did you think? Also, do you wish you could have played one of Kane's victims in the movie?
mrsbigredmachine: Yes I?ve seen it, and I own a copy. Of course I loved it. I?m a big fan of silly horror films anyway, so it was all good stuff to me. I like how people say it was crap, like they were expecting some Oscar worthy performance. I even bought one of those See No Evil hook pendants. How sad am I? I so wish I could?ve been that tattooed bint in the film, maybe that makes me a little bit strange, but I was like: ?if that were me I so wouldn?t be trying to escape from that cage?.
Slarti: I have the feeling that if you were in that movie with Kane, the "R" rating wouldn?t have been enough.

Slarti: Miss Julia asks: Have you seen "The Twisted and Disturbed Life of Kane" DVD, and if so did you like it?
mrsbigredmachine: Yeah i have that DVD too. Obviously I did like it, but at the same time I was really disappointed in it. Like most things the WWE do with Kane nowadays, it just seemed a little half arsed; like they hadn?t really put much thought or effort into it. There?s a lot of stuff that gets glanced over and it?s like there trying to minimize as much of the masked stuff as they can. The set is 3 disks and like 3 matches into the 2nd disk it starts with the unmasked stuff. Personally, I think it should?ve been the other way around. It could?ve been a lot better.

Slarti: Do you own a Kane mask?
mrsbigredmachine: No I don?t, but I do actually want one. I feel like a lesser fan-girl not having a mask.
Slarti: Now we know what to get you for Christmas.

Slarti: Stay Puft asked a question about your sexual habits and bondage, http://inyourheadboard.proboards.com/ind....&page=2#293975, but we will save that question and answer for the IYH Fan Interview DVD due out in 2025. So instead I'll ask you this question from Rogue: How did you find out about IYH?
mrsbigredmachine: After reading that question from Stay Puft, I actually do think he knows me. That or he's hiding in a cupboard somewhere. I used to go on WWE chat a lot and that?s where I met Jobber 2 the stars. He kept plugging me the site and I finally gave in to his nagging and gave it a listen; I thought it was fantastic and here I still am.
Slarti: We are all in Jobbers debt.

Slarti: Now on to the "women's section" of the interview. Rouge asks: How many pair of shoes do you own? Careful, if you say you have more than she does, you may have an enemy for life.
mrsbigredmachine: Not that many at the moment, I?m afraid I?m letting womankind down. I have about 13 pairs that?s including boots and flip flops.
Slarti: Upon reading this, I'm sure she will setup a telethon for you.

Slarti: She also asks the burning question: Rounded toe shoes or pointy?
mrsbigredmachine: Pointy for heels round for flat, if you get pointy flat shoes they make your feet look huge. That?s my handy tip for today. : )

Slarti: Rogue also asks: what is your favorite thing to do with your little boy?
mrsbigredmachine: Anything outdoors, he loves going for walks and little adventures. Today we went scrambling and climbing over rocks and the other week we went to the woods and worked our way up along the riverside; it was very muddy!

Slarti: I once suggested that you change your screen name to mommabigredmachine, but you declined. You?ve had a year to think it over, what do you say now?
mrsbigredmachine: I don?t think so. You don?t think that sounds just a bit incest-ish considering the nature in which I think of the big red machine?
Slarti: Oh well, I tried.

Slarti: I'm sure Rogue would want to know the answer to this so I will ask it for her: What kind of shoes does one wear when climbing over rocks with one's son?
mrsbigredmachine: Sensible trainers (sneakers). This has become a bit shoe related to say it?s for a wrestling site. If you?re not careful, you'll be subjected to a Jack manning up speech. : P
Slarti: We are still in the "woman's section" of the interview, (we got to get the female demographic too).

Slarti: Speaking of women, Jack asks: What's your cat's name?
mrsbigredmachine: Tammy.

Slarti: Phew, the "woman's section" has been completed and I have the final question for you. Why is your name mrsbigredmachine and not MrsBigRedMachine? It drives me crazy. The shift key is right there you know.
mrsbigredmachine: One hand remember? It would take too much time to put in all those capital letters. Also, I didn?t know the shift key could make capital letters. I thought it was just caps lock. I know, I know, hang my head in shame.
Slarti: If you were here right now I would banish you to another room!

Slarti: Well that about raps things up, would you like to make a closing statement, or address the IYH audience, (the ones that can read I mean)?
mrsbigredmachine: Thank you Slarti. Well its 1:30 in the morning, so all I can say is goodnight and I love all you people at IYH. Make sure you live by the demandments of Jack, or he might appear in your shower one day...

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