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The Wrestling Underground Origin Mayhem PPV Review

Posted in In My Head by Jack at 11:37, Dec 28 2005

By Slartibardfast

Ah, Christmas time, Christmas time; the time when we try to be on our best behavior in the hopes that Santa will reward us with piles of gifts under the tree. Well it seems that the jolly fat man is going hi-tech, because this year instead of putting a present under my tree, he put one on my Tivo. Santa left me a copy of: The Wrestling Underground Origin Of Mayhem PPV. So will this show turn out to be the BMX bike I always wanted, or a digitized lump of coal? Lets unwrap it and find out.

I have never heard of The Wrestling Underground company before, so I had no idea who would be on the card. I was pleasantly surprised when the show started with two familiar faces: DDP and Francine. The two cut a promo in which Francine straddled DDP and declared her unbridled admiration for the former 3 time world champ. Well she did until ?her man? PJ Polaco (Justin Credible) came into the room, when she then told PJ how DDP forced her onto his lap and tried to rape her. PJ and DDP jaw back and forth setting up the match they will have later in the show.

Next we are taken to a promo given by CW Anderson, who assures us that he will dominate Mikey Whipwreck in their upcoming match. Whipwreck however has a differing opinion, and expresses it by bashing his head against the mirror in his dressing room.

We are then welcomed to the show by our host and ring commentator Scott Hudson. Scott does a ?one man army? routine, being the only commentator for the entire show. Scott does a good job through out the show, though I think I would have been better if they had given him a partner.

Match 1: CW Anderson vs. Mikey Whipwreck
This was a decent match that featured a nice mix of brawling and wrestling, with an emphasis on wrestling. Although each man turned in a solid performance there was nothing special about this match, and it had a very Monday/Friday night feel to it. In the end Mikey hits a stunner for the win. It was nice to see Mikey again, but this match wasn?t worth paying for.

Next are promos given by Rodney Begnaug, (Rodney Mac), and Pitbull Garry Wolfe, each promising the destruction of the other.

Match 2: Rodney Begnaug w/ Jazz vs. Pitbull Gary Wolfe
We are given a typical ?big man? power match in this contest. The participants took turns hitting each other with power moves, while Jazz ran interference from time to time. Again, there was nothing special or particularly noteworthy in this match. They both performed well, but seemed to just be going through the motions. In the end Jazz helped Rodney to a victory. This would have been fine for a free TV filler match, but that just doesn?t cut it for a PPV.

Match 3: PJ Polaco w/ Francine vs. Dallas Page
The very first thing I noticed is that Francine looked better than I have seen her in a very long time. It seemed to me that she may have put on a small amount of desperately needed weight, as her face no longer had the slightly emaciated look I?m used to seeing her with. The match itself was a typical DDP match. It began with this PJ refusing to stay in the ring and wrestle, followed by DDP taking the match into the crowd. The two worked a brawling/wrestling style and did a good job of mixing the two styles throughout the match. In the end, DDP was able to hit the Diamond Cutter for the three count. This may have been the match of the night, which is sad because it wasn?t an exceptional match. Once again we were given a free TV caliber match, on a PPV.

We are then taken to a Balls Mahoney/ Axl Rotten promo, where the second and third rape references of the show were made. ( I?m not quite sure if that?s being extreme, or just being extremely tasteless.) The Chair Swinging Freaks assure us over a victory the Original Gangstas in the main event of the show. New Jack and Murder 1 are then given their promo time, in which New Jack cuts the best promo I have heard in a very long time. In fact, were not for the Ultimate Warrior style poorly structured ending, it would have been perfect.

Match 4: Balls Mahoney & Axl Rotten vs. New Jack and Murder 1
This was a tag team hardcore match, although their wasn?t actually any teamwork in the match. Once all four participants hit the ring, they immediately broke off into two separate one-on-one matches, and remained that way for the duration of the contest. I believe there were three wrestling holds used during the entire match, with the rest of the time filled primarily with fork shots to the head. Everyone was ?busted open? by the end of the match, with Axl juicing the most. I like a good hardcore match, but this was not one of them. Everyone moved though this match like automatons, as if they were only concerned with filling time and collecting their paycheck. This one was too bloody to be put on free TV, although I have seen better hardcore matches on free TV. Not only was this match not worth paying for, it may not be worth watching.

Oh Santa you cruel, cruel man; you placed a lump of coal in my Tivo stocking, and you still ate the milk and cookies I left out for you. You could have at least left them, so I could have an enjoyable snack while I contemplated may bad behavior over the past year.

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