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PostPosted: Sun Oct 11, 2015 7:55 am 
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Joined: Sun Oct 11, 2015 7:44 am
Posts: 13
Disclaimer: I like iyh and incher. The show has given me years of laughs and good times, that said, enjoy.

The story: it was the final month taping of impact wrestling, tna was officially going under. It would be during this time when Dixie booked a series of angles which would collectively become operation scorched earth booking.

One angle within scorched earth was the 4 pillars of doom matches. This angle consisted of various wrestlers Dixie held responsible for the end of tna being put in impossible matches. Hulk Hogan for example took a sickday from ups to complete in a hardcore gauntlet match, which ended with him getting the lost.

After the match, Jack and incher were reviewing the match as part of the iyh end of tna countdown. Incher took particular interest in the dying days of impact. He was in rare form, his jokes funny, his puns sharp and quips solid. One inch bicep was the hottest voice in the wrestling podcast community in regards to the dying tna.

Iyh had apparently caught the attention of Dixie Carter, as she one night contacted Jack via Skype. A deal was struck to the tune of 1 million dollars.

The deal: one inch bicep and swax with Jack e Jones at ringside vs rockstar spud in a handicap match. Team Tna vs team iwc.

A week before the iyh vs tna match. ..aka the final pillar match, jack announced the match live on the air. Jack neglected to inform incher that he would be apart of tna's final show and the latter spent nearly an hour asking Jack if he were kidding. Once incher came to grips with the news, his obvious concern was money and legal documentation.

Did you read the paperwork? Incher asked in his normal laidback country manner. Of course I did, you're covered. The scene fades into the previous night where jack by candle light was reading over the contract. Two things factored into Jack's misunderstanding of the contract: his 4th bottle of greygoose and Annabelle lecture on Skype. As the words on the contract spung on the page, Jack just helter skelter signed the dotted lines.

Incher was riding high, he received nearly 5 terabytes of personalized jujube nude pics, masturbation and twerk videos. Plus rumors were abound that incher was getting some mickie Skype action. Plus Jack paypaled incher his share of the money. 40 thousand dollars! Incher said with jubilation. Yup, 50-50 incher, fun times!

Night of the match, incher was on his laptop eagerly watching the ups tracking update for his 5 pinball machines.suddenly the music hit! Team iwc had a live band and duckman performing the entrance music. Incher didn't like the fact that he was contracted to wear draw string hospital pants as his ring gear,but trusting Jack he paid it little mind.

As team iwc stood in the ring, swax incher and Jack, the crowd was surprisingly energetic, popping loud for team iwc.

This is when dixie carter came out, her face scowled and stiff finger pointed at the ring. You think you were going just run through rockstar spud? Carter yelled.
You won't be facing rockstar spud tonight, you will be facing. .the superduper sumos in a 3 on 2 match!

Superduper sumos?! Incher said to Jack,I thought that was a fuckin cartoon! !!

And Jack e Jones, dixie said while giving jack a scowl, you will be spending this match locked at ring side in a cage.
Jack realized he should have paid more attention to the contract.
Security came in to place Jack in the cage at ringside as the superduper sumos made their way to the ring.

The match started with swax against the black sumo.swax was instantly put to the ground as he was shoulder blocked head on, cutting 3 rapid involuntary backflips from the impact before landing on his front side. Swax, nearly limp and dizzy, looked like he was doing 5 drunken push ups while trying in vain to get up. He passed out halfway through the 6th attempt.

Suddenly, a mesh cage began to lower. Looking at Jack in the ringside cage eating a snickers bar, seemingly oblivious to the ring, swax knocked cold with his ass partially in the air and 3 sadistic sumos glaring at him, incher figured he nothing to lose. The stakes were too high, this was national tv, albeit a piss ant channel. Incher wasn't going to go out like that.

Incher jumped in the ring and began shooting and stiffing like his life depended on it...truth be told it probably did.

Incher fought bravely, but a stiff 500 pound fast moving back of the neck clothesline sent incher crashing into the cage, trying desperately to grab the top then middle rope as he fell to the mat.
He signalled the X arm sign, but his plea went unanswered as the sumos dragged him to the middle of the ring. One sumo sat and held incher up while the two other ran to the ropes facing and behind incher. As the sumos ran towards each other, incher could be seen for a split second looking at Jack with a cold dead and dazed look. The running sumos turned their asses towards each other, incher's head was right in the path of their asses ,Then IMPACT! Their asses collided with incher's head in the middle.

Incher's head moved like a bobblehead as he slowly fell to his right. As he was getting rolled over for the pin, the lights went out and pyro hit.big van vader's 1st wcw theme played. Suddenly, a huge man with a cape, loincloth, chestplate and the ugliest iron gorilla mask and helmet made his way to the ring. His shoulders had an apparatus with fire coming from them.

Dixie came to ringside when the mystery man stood over incher. ROCKHEAD CARTER? Dixie yelled into the Mic. the only thing rock IN this arena tonight is gonna be ..ROCK....HARD!!!

The man removed his mask to reveal himself to be world record holder kingkong dong, who had a penis of 9 girth by a foot length.

Kingkong! Dixie said like vince, FUCK THE IWC!
The camera was pointed upward at incher's glazed over eyes and dizzy face as kingkong mounted him, giving a starting powerful thrust, reaping 1000 hit points of damage to incher's poor rectum. As incher's eyes bugged out ,he let out a horrific scream, the screen cuts to the impact logo.

The end

Epilogue: it was a pleasant weekend afternoon, incher could be seen sitting behind a work bench in a shop, the afternoon sun shinning through the storefront window. John's electronic repair could be seen on the window as he sat Repairing gadgets. The shop phone rang, he answered but heard nothing. the camera zoomed in on incher's eyes, then zoomed out to reveal a comatose incher in a Virginia state hospital with Jack calling him. With his eyes open and staring off into blank nothingness, incher seemed to have an erie peace about him, which was Astrik by the colostomy bag filling next to him.

He's in his own world now, the doctor said. Only he can decide when he'll return.

Jack gave incher a kiss as he whispered, goodbye buddy. I'll miss you. A horn can be heard honking with Annabelle sitting in the passenger side of Jack's 2015 Lexus.


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